Self-Compassion and Anxiety: A Guide to Breaking the Cycle of Self-Criticism
Perhaps you’ve noticed this painful pattern that occurs with anxiety:
The more anxious you feel, the more self-critical you become.
The more self-critical you become, the more anxious you feel.
This is the cycle of self-criticism.
The inner voice you hear may sound or feel like it’s motivating you, but in reality, it’s keeping your nervous system activated, which contributes to increased anxiety. An activated nervous system can result in increased cortisol (stress) levels, avoidance, perfectionism, and decreased authenticity.
Before you criticize yourself for feeling self-critical, know that this is a cycle many people experience. Let’s discuss briefly why this cycle happens and how it relates to anxiety.
Anxiety is often fueled by threat detection. When the brain perceives danger (even if it is fear of social judgment, failure, or rejection rather than a physical threat), it activates protective responses. Self-criticism and the inner critic are types of these protective responses. If your brain can get you to doubt or be anxious about something, it can keep you safe from it.
When you begin experiencing anxiety, it’s a natural response to become self-critical. When you’re self-critical, it can lead to being more anxious–and the cycle continues.
If you’re ready to break the cycle of self-criticism, try these practical strategies:
Notice and name the inner critic.
Analyze yourself–be curious without judgment. When does the inner critic get loud? What triggers it? Ask yourself, “Would I say this to someone I love?” The first step to breaking the cycle of self-criticism is to identify when and why it happens
Practice self-compassion affirmations.
Researcher Kristin Neff, Ph.D., defines self-compassion as treating ourselves with the same kindness we would offer a good friend. When we show ourselves the same level of kindness, we experience greater authenticity, confidence, resilience, and emotional regulation. Self-compassion works as an antidote to self-criticism because it keeps you out of a state of threat and instead focuses you on caring for yourself. Self-compassion also lowers psychological arousal, reduces shame, builds internal safety, and encourages healthy risk-taking, increasing confidence. The next time you identify a cycle of self-criticism, try these self-compassionate affirmations:
Mindfulness: “This is an impermanent moment of anxiety.”
Common Humanity: “Other people experience anxiety as well. Anxiety is a normal human emotion.”
Kindness: “May I be gentle with myself.”
Replace the inner critic with motivation and supportive accountability.
Some people struggle with the idea that self-compassion can be enabling or that it will make them lose their “edge.” It’s important to know that self-compassion still holds people accountable, but in a way that is more supportive and builds confidence. A good example of this is instead of thinking, “I’m a failure,” think, “I didn’t meet my goal, what can I learn?” Reframe your inner criticism to motivating compassion.
Shift from perfectionism to authenticity.
Anxiety and perfectionism can often focus on showing up in impressive ways and attempting to control how others see you. Self-compassion focuses on being real and authentic–not worried about what others think or say. Here are a few ways to shift from perfectionism to authenticity:
Admit you don’t understand something.
Ask for help with something.
Share an honest feeling in a safe relationship.
Build evidence of competence and confidence.
Instead of setting unreachable goals or unrealistic expectations, start small and set achievable goals for yourself. Track your progress and celebrate the effort, not just the outcome. As you build evidence of your competence (“I can do this because I’ve done it before”), you will also build your confidence.
Regulate your body.
Treat your body with compassion and soothing. Take deep breaths, practice grounding exercises, stretch, and move. Regulating your body will help regulate your emotions. If you’re experiencing the cycle of self-criticism, be kind to yourself. Consider these strategies and practice self-compassion to overcome the inner critic. If you desire additional support in breaking the cycle of self-criticism and anxiety, you can inquire here for an appointment to unpack your experiences further.
My blog posts are not a replacement for therapy, and the information provided does not constitute the formation of a therapist-patient relationship. The information in my blog posts is general information for educational purposes only and is not intended to be therapy or psychological advice. Please consult your physician or mental health provider regarding advice or support for your health and well-being.
If you are in crisis, please call your local 24-hour crisis hotline or 911. I am not able to respond to comments or answer questions about your specific situation online. If you are interested in working together, please inquire about appointment availability here. I am licensed to work with clients in Maine and Connecticut.
